Why

Why do I still think about alicia from time to time in the wee dark hours in the morning?  Why does some deep dark part of me still yearn for her arms?  She betrayed me, cheated on me and got herself pregnant.  All that I could have forgiven, but the lying I could not forgive.   She just could not handle me honestly, ever nor could she even show me any ounce of passion when someone was looking.   So, explain to me why I still want her when I have t'keya?  It doesn't make any sense at all...

Dear God...

I know you're testing my patience and the strength of my love for T'Keya.   I know in the late hours of the day I realize that thoughts about an ex that I haven't fully purged from my heart and mind sneak in.   However, as much as I do have those feelings still for Alicia, my feelings for T'Keya are stronger.   Please don't make me wait too long for you to put in the ear of the parole board to let her go.   I need her so much.   She's the other side of my soul and heart.   I'm so empty without her.

What's taking so long?

T'Keya and I have been looking forward to the day when she's finally freed from her seven year incarceration at the Florence McClure Women's correctional center, but for some reason the parole board is dragging it's heels.  I don't know who's more frustrated, me or her.   I'm going to guess her because she's really sick of the place.   I'm sure after seven years the "novelty" of being there has worn off.  She's sick of the lousy food, the uncomfortable cots, and the politics of the warden and guards and the correctional system in general.  I don't blame her as I'm sick of their politics too.  I can't tell you the times where money, or the care packages I send her get held up for stupid reasons or laziness on the parts of the officials in charge of the mail rooms.   I just hope that soon the give her release package.   She's earned her release and served her time.   It's time for my fianceè to join me and start her life again.

Joss Weadon ressurects Buffy from the undead

As many of my friends know, I'm a huge fan of Joss Weadon's supernatural action vehicles Buffy:. The Vampire Slayer and Angel.  I've watched both shows and read almost all the comic book "seasons" of Buffy.  The news came down that after twelve seasons (both on the air and in the comics) the original team's story will be over.  Soon after that another announcement came down from the man himself that he's taking a writer from agents of shield and executive producing a new Buffy series.  Okay, fine and good.  It's been 21 years since Sarah Michelle gellar had donned the leather jacket and weilded a wooden stake for the first time.  However what's surprising is the uproar from the fans about a major change in the title character.  She's going to be African American.  I've been disgusted by rabid fandom before.  Prime examples being star trek, star wars and more recently the CW arrowverse fans vs comic book fans.  Of all the fandoms I would never have thought the Buffy fandom to have so many racists.  Granted I had the same knee-jerk reaction as other fans.  "Buffy should be white!!!". However since the old guard will be "dead" at the end of this "season" in the dark horse comics I can see the possibilities.  Since alternate universes exist in Buffy (The wish and dopplegangland) why wouldn't an African American Buffy exist somewhere?  Joss has never made a flop when he had control, so he won't steer is wrong now.  Have we as Weadon fans forgotten our mantra "In Joss We Trust"?  Why should we change that now?

Why

Why do I still have feelings for her, why? She destroyed my heart and betrayed me. Why when I'm deeply in love with T'Keya do I still think fondly of that heartless bitch Alicia? I really need T'Keya here as soon as possible because until I'm with her I think I'll be conflicted until she's here. That's just the way it is I guess.

Confession

Well, I thank whatever God or goddess there is out there that stops stupid men from ruining their relationships, because I was weak today in trying to get to know another young lady for the purposes of companionship.   I know T'keya has told me if I want a FWB (friends with benefits) relationship while she's still in F. M. W. C. C. it was okay, but I've sworn up and down I wouldn't do that.  My resolve was severely put to the test the other day when I started chatting with a local girl on a social site.  I won't go into what happened, but we met at my place and she was more nervous than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.   She left a few minutes after, and nothing happened, thank God.   I've blocked her number on my phone so I won't deal with her again.   I've got enough issues.   Thank you to the God or goddess that watched over me.   I guess I got to learn to keep patient or I'm going to shoot myself in my romantic foot again.   I love T'keya and she's really all I need.