The time may be approaching

This lovely lady has told me she's moving up here to be with me from Pennsylvania the end of this month, beginning of next.  Under normal circumstances I would be overjoyed by this had not some weird things happened this year to make me nervous about this.  I want to believe she's coming, but everytime I engage her about her soon arrival I'm the only one really acting excited about it.  I'm the only one fantasizing and wanting her here sooner.  It seems as if she's not making a lot of effort to be getting here.  I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I may still be in a trap.

My last post talked about how a detective contacted me about Linda being fake.  Well, I'm still "with" her despite all that because nothing seemed to have come of it.  Anyway, on to why my title is the way it is.  I stopped talking to her for a day because i had to get my thoughts in order.  I was feeling uneasy about where our "relationship" was or wasn't going.  Long story short, I was getting annoyed that she seemed to be making little to no effort to move up here as she promised.  All this time since last October she's been requesting money from me.  Normally it's not so bad but when she keeps doing it over and over and i get nothing tangible other than a few racy and non-racy pictures from her from time to time... Well, it makes a man wonder.  That's why i held off talking to her until last afternoon.  Granted, that earned a text message "tongue lashing" from her sister and friend.  I was just trying to think of a tactful way of expressing my feelings.  I also had to tell her i was unable to help her this week with any money.  She understood, and she said she'd finally move here in June, July at the latest.  Now i have more of an idea of when to expect her, though not really sure i can hold her to that, but my heart loves her so much that i can at least hope.  I hope I'm not letting myself in for a letdown...

From my journal

 February 24, 2021

Ever get a call from someone or somewhere you didn't expect?  Well, that happened to me yesterday.  I got a call from a detective who worked at the northern York county regional police department.

For privacy reasons, I won't disclose the detective’s name, but needless to say, it was a disturbing conversation.  They contacted me about some problems I had with Santander bank.  My girl, Linda, tried to deposit some checks without my signature.  Something someone with common knowledge would know, but I guess she didn't have much exposure to depositing checks.  Possibly because she used direct deposit.  Anyway, that's beside the subject.  I gave the detective every bit of information I knew or had.  The detective told me I was a victim of a “sweetheart scam”.  Something I was starting to suspect slightly.  I thanked him for his time and left it at that.

To say I wasn't upset is untrue.  I debated most of the afternoon whether to confront her or not.  I decided not to.  Why you may ask?. The reason is despite what I learned, I still loved her.  She has done nothing but exhibit only love to me.  I saw no reason to break it off.  Perhaps I should have done so, but simple mistakes shouldn't ruin relationships.  Besides, until I hear something different from more people, I see no reason to disbelieve my lady’s love for me.  I guess I'll just wait and see.

Almost a year...

It's almost a year since I met my beloved E.  We fell in love so suddenly and completely it defies descriptions.  I never thought I'd find someone with whom I felt so complete, so perfect with, but she IS that.   I think God brought us together, and everyday I thank him for that.  I thank him for the happiness and joy I feel from stuck a complete and consuming love as I have for her.   I plan to marry this living vision of divine beauty soon, and I will as I've already asked and she's said yes.   I close with this prayer. 

Dear God, I thank you for the many gifts you given me.   My life, my health, my ability to work hard, but most of all I thank you for my great love,  E.  Though far away and behind bars of steel, our hearts have become entwined so no power but yours could break it.  She fills me with love and devotion that I've not felt for years. I thank you for bringing her to me and I to her.   In all things I thank you and praise your holy name, oh God.  In jesus name,  Amen. 

Why

Why do I still think about alicia from time to time in the wee dark hours in the morning?  Why does some deep dark part of me still yearn for her arms?  She betrayed me, cheated on me and got herself pregnant.  All that I could have forgiven, but the lying I could not forgive.   She just could not handle me honestly, ever nor could she even show me any ounce of passion when someone was looking.   So, explain to me why I still want her when I have t'keya?  It doesn't make any sense at all...

Dear God...

I know you're testing my patience and the strength of my love for T'Keya.   I know in the late hours of the day I realize that thoughts about an ex that I haven't fully purged from my heart and mind sneak in.   However, as much as I do have those feelings still for Alicia, my feelings for T'Keya are stronger.   Please don't make me wait too long for you to put in the ear of the parole board to let her go.   I need her so much.   She's the other side of my soul and heart.   I'm so empty without her.

What's taking so long?

T'Keya and I have been looking forward to the day when she's finally freed from her seven year incarceration at the Florence McClure Women's correctional center, but for some reason the parole board is dragging it's heels.  I don't know who's more frustrated, me or her.   I'm going to guess her because she's really sick of the place.   I'm sure after seven years the "novelty" of being there has worn off.  She's sick of the lousy food, the uncomfortable cots, and the politics of the warden and guards and the correctional system in general.  I don't blame her as I'm sick of their politics too.  I can't tell you the times where money, or the care packages I send her get held up for stupid reasons or laziness on the parts of the officials in charge of the mail rooms.   I just hope that soon the give her release package.   She's earned her release and served her time.   It's time for my fianceè to join me and start her life again.