I thought I knew

I thought I knew what love was before I met you.
I thought I knew what desire was before I met you.
I thought I knew what a soulmate was before I met you.
Then I threw it all away
Because I was confused and in pain
But because the pain I felt not having you was more than I could bear
Like a limb or and organ from my body I tear.
I won't put myself through that pain again,or you.
It'll take time this I know, but I've nothing but time.   I'm in for the long haul... I'm forever yours.   That's my solem promise to you.  Stronger than the last one because I can't take the pain of losing you again... Ever.

Slave to....

I'm a slave, I'll never be anything else.  I'm a slave to something/someone wonderful however.  I'm a slave to my love for a wonderful woman.   I tried to do something I'm not proud of and won't go into it here.  You want more you'll have to read my previous blog entries on the subject.   In any case I'm a slave to love and to her, my Alicia.  I'll never be master of my heart as long as she's master of mine.

I've made some major mistakes

How many mistakes can one man make in a few years, and how big do they have to be.   Apparently in my case they don't have to be many and they vary by size from small to ginormous... In 2011 I got married, apparently too early to know what a lying, cheating, abusive and using bitch she was.  Sadly it took seven months for me to figure it out.   Thankfully the divorce was relatively painless because I didn't make her the mother of my children... Thank God for that.  Soon after all that was over I fell in love with a very wonderful woman and still love her, sadly there were major bumps on the way.   One that has very nearly derailed us completely.  Not going into a long description, but because of missed and mixed signals I cheated on her while she was at school abroad.   I'm not proud of what I've done... It was the same shit my useless ex-wife did to me and I did it to someone that deserves and deserved so much better at my hands.   She has given me a second chance to put it generously and I don't deserve it... I'll be thankful for her generosity and I'll never touch another woman in a sexual manner online or in person ever again... I'll make myself into a eunuch first.

Forgive me

Oh great spirit, high God of all, I ask for forgiveness for what I did too hurt the woman you gave to me after my disastrous marriage.   I squandered your gift to me because I was a fool.  I wasn't patient, I let my loneliness cloud my mind and hurt the angel you gave to me.   It is by your grace and hers that she's even having anything to do with me.   Thank you for your gift and entwining our souls so that I can never hurt her again.   I realized I loved her more than anything and I know I've a lot to rebuild, but thank you for giving me the chance.   I don't deserve it at all, but your great love for me has given me so many gifts. I give thanks in your holy name,
A-ho

The link to my first service as a "pastor".

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bxbz4QRiIWA_NTVKLTFhR0NJM1k/edit?usp=docslist_api

Why do I put up with you?

Why do I put up with everything you put me through?  I guess there's no simple answer, but I guess the simplest answer is the longest one.  Yes we've been through some tough times, and I sense we'll be through rougher as the years go on, but we'll do it together as always.  My love for you exploded on a rainy, cloudy day like it is here right now and it hasn't gone down.  You lit my life again after a great darkness had fallen on it.  You are my life and I couldn't live without you if you left it.  You fill me with joy and always will because you are my queen of hearts.  I love you and will always hold your hand literally and electronically through your darkest and brightest times.  You are worth everything I have whether you think so or not.  You are worth it because I love you.

I miss

I miss my hometown of Plainville, Massachusetts.   Actually if you look at my Facebook profile it says my hometown is East Stoneham, Maine and that's true as well, however they say home is where your heart is and that is why I consider Plainville my hometown.   My heart is a little further from Plainville, but it's close enough in Woonsocket, Rhode Island.  Still Plainville is where I lived when I met and started falling in love with a young lady called Alicia Mello.   She's a lot younger than me, but it really didn't matter.  The only problem was the legal issues, that and the fact that I was always with someone else.   It took until I had moved away and my marriage failed that I got enough courage to admit my feelings.  She touches me in ways my ex wife or any girlfriend ever never could do that.   She really is my soul mate and my other half.   I'm hoping that one day my soul will be complete forever and be happy always.