Why

Why do I still think about alicia from time to time in the wee dark hours in the morning?  Why does some deep dark part of me still yearn for her arms?  She betrayed me, cheated on me and got herself pregnant.  All that I could have forgiven, but the lying I could not forgive.   She just could not handle me honestly, ever nor could she even show me any ounce of passion when someone was looking.   So, explain to me why I still want her when I have t'keya?  It doesn't make any sense at all...

Dear God...

I know you're testing my patience and the strength of my love for T'Keya.   I know in the late hours of the day I realize that thoughts about an ex that I haven't fully purged from my heart and mind sneak in.   However, as much as I do have those feelings still for Alicia, my feelings for T'Keya are stronger.   Please don't make me wait too long for you to put in the ear of the parole board to let her go.   I need her so much.   She's the other side of my soul and heart.   I'm so empty without her.

What's taking so long?

T'Keya and I have been looking forward to the day when she's finally freed from her seven year incarceration at the Florence McClure Women's correctional center, but for some reason the parole board is dragging it's heels.  I don't know who's more frustrated, me or her.   I'm going to guess her because she's really sick of the place.   I'm sure after seven years the "novelty" of being there has worn off.  She's sick of the lousy food, the uncomfortable cots, and the politics of the warden and guards and the correctional system in general.  I don't blame her as I'm sick of their politics too.  I can't tell you the times where money, or the care packages I send her get held up for stupid reasons or laziness on the parts of the officials in charge of the mail rooms.   I just hope that soon the give her release package.   She's earned her release and served her time.   It's time for my fianceè to join me and start her life again.

Why

Why do I still have feelings for her, why? She destroyed my heart and betrayed me. Why when I'm deeply in love with T'Keya do I still think fondly of that heartless bitch Alicia? I really need T'Keya here as soon as possible because until I'm with her I think I'll be conflicted until she's here. That's just the way it is I guess.

Confession

Well, I thank whatever God or goddess there is out there that stops stupid men from ruining their relationships, because I was weak today in trying to get to know another young lady for the purposes of companionship.   I know T'keya has told me if I want a FWB (friends with benefits) relationship while she's still in F. M. W. C. C. it was okay, but I've sworn up and down I wouldn't do that.  My resolve was severely put to the test the other day when I started chatting with a local girl on a social site.  I won't go into what happened, but we met at my place and she was more nervous than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.   She left a few minutes after, and nothing happened, thank God.   I've blocked her number on my phone so I won't deal with her again.   I've got enough issues.   Thank you to the God or goddess that watched over me.   I guess I got to learn to keep patient or I'm going to shoot myself in my romantic foot again.   I love T'keya and she's really all I need.

Moved on

Never thought after what Alicia did to my heart and soul that I'd be ready to love again.  Having her cheat on me when we were trying to work on saving our relationship, not only that but getting herself knocked up in the process was really the last straw.  If she had talked with me, even once had been honest with me then I wouldn't wish she would disappear like I do.  Honestly, if .  she were to beg forgiveness or ask to be my friend again, I'd spit in her face.  I'd have to have gotten a few screws loosened for that to happen again.  Anyway, that's not the point of this blog entry.  The pictured young lady is.  This is the woman who healed my heart and soul, no matter that she's incarcerated in Las Vegas right now.  She took the desiccated scraps of my heart and rebuilt them.  This woman, my T'Keya has rejuvenated my heart and soul, and I gladly give it to her for all time.