The time may be approaching

This lovely lady has told me she's moving up here to be with me from Pennsylvania the end of this month, beginning of next.  Under normal circumstances I would be overjoyed by this had not some weird things happened this year to make me nervous about this.  I want to believe she's coming, but everytime I engage her about her soon arrival I'm the only one really acting excited about it.  I'm the only one fantasizing and wanting her here sooner.  It seems as if she's not making a lot of effort to be getting here.  I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Do I hate her?

The honest answer is "no". If I'm honest with myself, I'm still in love with her. Sadly I can't say I trust her as far as I could throw her, which is quite a distance, but anyway I can't trust her. How can you trust someone who can't be honest with you? How can you trust someone who says, "I love you, but don't show it around my friends"? How can you trust someone who wants you to uproot yourself to "prove your love" to them when they showed no actual love to you. At this point if she were to come crying back to me with that kid in tow I might be more likely to suggest she jump in front of a bus than ever let her be my friend again. I do have someone else in my life, sort of, but she's physically out of the picture until a year from this August. I hope to hell I get my feelings sorted out before then or else it won't be fair to her.

posted from Bloggeroid

Thank you almighty god

Thank you god for all the grace you've shown me, for giving me my gifts, my heart that feels so much. Thank you god for breaking my marriage to an abusive and untrustworthy woman up. Thank you god for giving me my Alicia for all her issues and problems, for I love her more than anyone because we help each other with our issues. We are true partners. (even if she can't decide if it's better with me or without me in her life. ;-) ) I thank you for your teaching moments that you put in my way. I hope to keep those lessons in my heart. Thank you for protecting me from any evil that people send my way (even from ex-wives). I will love and trust you always Creator.
A-ho

posted from Bloggeroid